Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Back in the USA

È Vero.

So now, whenever I sing "Party in the USA" it rings true.
Oh, to be back in the red white and blue.

I should continue in poem form, but that takes a lot more time and effort than I have.

So you might have noticed my four month absence from the blog. Oh? forgot where I was (remember this?) Then check out EUROPE at my shutterfly, VivaRiva. It substituted as my blog for the last four months.
I'm not going to lie, it does feel great to be back in the English-speaking world, and back to all of the things I know and love. Like cheap, fabulous Mexican food.

Basically, My aim today, is to catch you up to speed on my life. Because a lot happened in four months. Aka, THE BOY happened in four months.
That's riiiight. I went to Europe and came home with a boyfriend!
Now, before visions of hot, Swiss men dance in your heads (ha, holiday humor!), He's American.
It's true, we met in Europe, but he was one of my fellow students, so skipping the whole "language barrier" thing probably helped significantly advance the whole "getting to know you" part. He's actually awesome, but I'm sure I'll address him plenty in future posts, so for now- I'll leave the details vague.

Europe in five points:

1. I didn't die skiing. I didn't die snowboarding either. Which is actually what I decided to learn. Oh yea, and that hot instructor? Check.
THE BOY taught me, and is an able bodied tutor, and apparently (despite my attempt at quitting half-way through the first day) I'm a natural. Check it out: (yea, that's the Alps all right.)

2. Hit Italy, Germany, Austria, Lichtenstein, France, England, and (of course) Switzerland. That's significantly more countries that my previous two, and now I've been to a whole other continent. Not only that but spoke three languages... French, Italian, and (of course) English. I'm not counting the three (total) words of Swiss-German that I learned.

3. Met some pretty awesome people. Studio was intense, but we found time to have some fun, get to know each other and become a strange, little family.

4. Went shopping in all the right places (and bought shoes there!): Milan, Paris, Zürich... the
list goes on.

5. Most of all, I had the best time of my life thus far. Strong words, and maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, because my life is pretty great, but I learned so much (cliché, but true). I found out so much about myself, and I wouldn't take it back, for anything.

Yea, that's a beret I'm wearing...

Saturday, August 8, 2009

We're Related


I spent the last week completely and utterly myself.

What a strange sentiment. But honestly, how often do you really spend "in your skin"? 
That feeling that just makes you feel like you couldn't possibly be more like you. That this is who you are. I don't know how else to explain it other than restating the same thing I essentially restated four times.

I like to think that I know myself well enough by now to take the advice of numerous celebrities, happy, and/or successful people and "just be myself". That I'm mostly the same person around everyone I meet. But that would probably be grossly incorrect. 
Upon my observations, everyone changes (even minutely) when they're introduced to a new group of people. Survival instinct: When introduced to new surroundings, we asses and acclimate. This includes feeling out the people, the atmosphere... are you going to go with high energy? Laid back? Are you going to talk about how ridiculously hard that vector geometry class was or are you going to talk about the insane party you threw at which everyone you knew threw up in your bathroom? 
This happens to Various degrees of dectectability:
Some people are incredibly adept at fitting in with people, not necessarily changing completely (though they do exist) but maybe showing only one side of who they are. A humanoid social chameleon.
There are of course others. You know, the ones who stick out like Freddy Krueger at a Debutante ball.  They just don't jive, nor do they probably even want to try. 
Then there are those people that don't have to change, they are the change. Those people who don't have to try because they already are. Everyone shifts around them, whether unintentional, subconscious, or through a concerted effort they write the undertone.

All of the above though may change depending on the group of people, the gathering, and/or the occasion. Where's the focus?
Personally, I throw the entirety of my musings out the window when applying it to my family. I know my father's side of the family extremely well, and I see them often as well. So for the content of this post, they will be referred to as my "family" "the fam" or any term relating to well, my relations, hereafter. 
I have every sort of person in my family. The pro
 golfer, the recluse, the musician, the taciturn student, the shy one, the ridiculous one, the outgoing one, the hilarious one, the theatrical one, the earthy one, the medical one, the bitterly single one, the crazy one, the one who
 laughs, the obnoxious soap-boxy one, the rebel, the blissful one, the grumpy one, the younger one. 
(you get the point)
But these roles, these personalities don't even matter: to outsiders, you would see roles and hierarchy (yes I did use the term "outsiders"). But inside, everyone is accepted.
I think that it might be different for every family, but in my particular case, no one is going to stop loving you because you were a complete bitch last christmas and told everyone loudly that the roast was way overcooked. No one is going to kick you out because you scolded your niece for wearing jeans to easter dinner when you've never seen her wear anything but jeans...ever.
My point is, everyone has their faults, and their not-so-shining moments. In my family, we get over it and move on. We are who we are, and at this point, it'd take a second ice age to change that. 
We love each other, and we love being around each other. (cue soft orchestral sound track)
And we sure as hell love to party. 

I spent the last week in Chicago for my Aunt and Uncle's 25th Wedding Anniversary Celebration. (aka The whole Fam, Food, alcohol, and waaay too much love)
Been married a quarter of a century? All right, we'll bring the booze, you bring the dinner, and Grandma's got dessert covered. 
Anytime we get together, but especially this time, everyone just lets go. Air it out, we're all family here...
Now that everyone is an adult (with the exception of my youngest cousin at 16), it's anybody's game. I hear outrageous stories about parents, aunts, uncles, Grandma... you name it. I gain approximately 12 pounds per day. We take pictures, we laugh, we drink. It goes on like this. 
Lately it just feels like we've all gained this mutual understanding.
"Things Happen in life, and I understand you."

Probably the most amazing part though, is that I never feel any pressure to be something specific. Maybe that's a side affect of being in the middle-to-tail-end of an extremely large family, but it feels good. This is the place that I don't have to worry about impressing anyone. I don't have to think about what I'm saying. I'm not worried that the creepy guy in the corner is inevitably going to fallow me around all night and ask for my number, because that creepy guy is my cousin, and he probably already has my number. 

All jokes aside, it's an amazing feeling when you don't have to be someone. I think that everyone should be able to experience an interaction like that. If you don't have family where you're comfortable enough to be yourself-- go somewhere that it doesn't matter if anyone sees you: like a theme park or a crowded public place. Somewhere that you're not worried about running into someone you know looking like you've run a marathon, gone swimming, and then been hit by a car. Just be there and let yourself go. Smile a lot. Laugh at anything. 
Eat whatever you want. 
Try it, seriously. It will be such a good day.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Capitalization in Emphasis

I think every "about me" section I've ever done has at one point included the fact that I am extremely fond of using Capitalization seemingly at will (and often to the chagrin of every grammar teacher I've ever had).My favorite completely fabricated rule about the Upper Case, is using Capitals to show emphasis. To enter subtle meaning into a sentence's structure. Most of the time it's completely subconscious. I want to make sure This is the important thing, and that all the Other words fall into a supporting role. The only problem is this: I'm not sure anyone else has ever noticed my attempts at subtlety... If anyone has noticed, they most likely see this tendency to stick the big ones everywhere as a failure to master the simple rules of third grade grammar. 
Fascinating how you can have intentions in one direction and find that they have been interpreted in another.  People see things differently. This is a fact. I'm sure it's what makes us so diverse, our Backgrounds so different, and contributes to our aptitudes for any given thing. 

Or simply: A Difference In Opinions.

Our personalities dictate the winner in some of these inevitable debates.  I know plenty of people that would concede an argument just to avoid the confrontation, or even because the effort needed to win said argument isn't justified by the subject. Of course, I know equal amounts of people that tend towards the opposite. Then, there are those that waffle (myself occasionally included). These middle dwellers test the waters of debate with a toe-dip gauge of "Is it worth it to let them know they're misguided?"

Then there are those that find every occasion to tell you their opinion, share their feelings, and/or correct what must certainly be your lack of knowledge on a subject, because you are absolutely Wrong. 
Believe me, it happens more than you would think. 

In fact, this personality-based phenomenon will be, from this point forward, known as
 "Rudeness".

I encounter Rudeness on a daily basis. It may just be my job. 

Example: I stand, helping a member (Club speak for: person who shops in our store). This poor woman was a tad bit confused about the parameters of her membership, and I, as a proud, vest-wearing associate, was explaining to her everything her membership entailed. Educate. The elderly gentleman behind her in line took this moment to loudly ask if I was "going to talk all day". 

I have little patience for bladder control issues and/or irritability caused by advanced age. 
So I turned my mechanical smile to him, nodded, and continued to finish helping the woman in front of him. 

This brings me to my next phenomenon, which might be an evolution of the last... Does this personal tendency to Rudeness increase over time? Do the people who avoid arguments fade even further away from them? Do the people who enjoy debating throw caution under the electric wheelchair wheels and, whippersnappers-be-damned, speak even more outrageously? 
Does your personality get magnified over time (like the inevitable prescription for your glasses), or is this just the end of the journey of discovering who you are? 
I don't know. And maybe I won't know until the vast majority of the people I know are at that stage in their lives. When will that be? Hopefully when I am equally as old and obnoxious. 
Or maybe if I find myself spending most of my time at either a nursing home, Bingo, or in Florida. Or apparently at Sam's Club at 8 A.M.


Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Confession

I'm admitting my guilt publicly.
I have not been online/attached to the real world/
doing anything constructive at all with my life because I have been addicted to...


Go ahead, mock me mercilessly-- God knows I deserve it. But every time I get online, the only thing I feel like talking about, the only thing I think about, is who Jillian will pick? What story lines will they come up with? Is it real? Why, again, am I wasting my life on reality TV?

I've never really watched reality TV, or been attached to any particular show. (I can't even commit to a GUY, you think I could commit to a SHOW?) I have a fairly short attention span, don't like surprises, and find the pre-conceived drama overrated. Why then, would I actually watch a show that would contend with all of those parts of my personality? A show that uses all of those things as the very basis of its appeal?

I honestly don't know. I just sat here for 20 minutes trying to think of a good answer. Even a simple one.

Sometimes I can't help but think I'm a little too sappy for my own good. And while my logical side wars constantly with that aspect of my personality that drips gooey piles of "aww" on everything, I find that if I let myself get too logical, I border on cynical.
To live your life through rose-colored glasses has got to be better than being constantly unhappy with yourself and your world.

How can we find a balance?

Sure, you can photoshop the shit out of the color levels, but living in high contrast can't be comfortable.
I think balance must come from some sort of superhuman ability to be well adjusted. Though maybe the very thought of being "well adjusted" comes from a more Leave it to Beaver, 50's era idea of the well rounded person.
What does "well adjusted" mean other than truly being happy?
If you live a quirky, offbeat existence defined by online message boards, lots of animals, and little-to-no human contact, who's to say you aren't "well adjusted"? I'd like to contend that no matter how you define yourself, as long as you are happy-- then you are adjusted enough.
I'm sure modern psychology would completely disagree with me by suggesting that such a person is attempting to replace what they don't get in life with online contact and a pet's affection. This may be true, it may be that in every stage of their adolescence to adulthood, they have been dogged by comments and insinuations that they are "weird" "awkward", and "don't fit in". So what that they no longer seek the arms of those who may have publicly shunned them in the mortifying halls of high school?
Maybe they've found a way to be happy. They've found acceptance and love in a completely different way.
And that is completely OK with me. Who am I to point fingers at another's life style when I watch The Bachelor or the The Bachelorette obsessively?

I can finally say now, at the end of this post, that I am no longer ashamed of loving a franchise of TV shows that promotes the idea of reality show love.
I can proudly say "I'm Team Reid" even though he totally got kicked off last episode... He should absolutely be the next Bachelor.
I can honestly say that I accept this cheesy addiction of mine, that in the end, it does not change who I am as a person.

While I may never find love on reality TV, in fact, I may never find that kind of "love" at all, I'm OK with that. Hopefully, when I decide to venture out into the real world (the one that does not include "final rose ceremonies" and "episode spoilers") there will be someone there who will accept my love of Chris Harrison and the phrase, "I'm sorry, you must now say your final goodbyes".

All that said, I finally thought of a reason to watch the Bachelorette: The guys are hot.


Thursday, July 16, 2009

Cat Meds

Cat Asthma. The twice-daily bane of my summer existence...

Two weeks ago, I packed up a wailing kitten (read: pampered adult cat) and made my way to the vets office. My little one had been having major breathing problems... ever seen a cat breath completely through it's mouth? (thinkabout it: no.)

Cue mini-educational lecture on pet care and general health:

It turns out that dogs are not the only pets that get heart worms! While veterinary professionals believed that heart worms were harmless to cats, they've recently discovered that while the larvae die, their bodies cause inflammation in the lungs that can lead to respiratory problems and sudden death. In cats the cardiovascular system and respiratory system are closely related, and the heart worm larvae (transmitted by mosquitoes) end up in the lungs, where the cat's immune system kills the larvae. So where's the problem? The bodies of the larvae cause respiratory problems which can cause asthma-like symptoms. 

Alright. Mini-lecture over. 

The point is... my CAT has asthma. Because of her respiratory problems, she developed a secondary infection that involved a lot of mucus. 
That means antibiotics twice a day, a long with a steroid regimen for inflammation...

Cats don't like pills. At all. (Oh, the things you do for love)

Regardless, I persevere daily, fighting claws and bites with tenderness (one must not harm the little one in the process of making her better).

It's here where I make my exit and leave you with the moral:
Take care of your animals. Give them heart worm medication... Claws hurt.

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Aforementioned Soundtracks and Staying Up late.

I thought it fitting to write a post in the early AMs, as I've currently been lurking this end of the morning throughout the summer. 
I'm not sure why I feel the need to stay up until well after the crickets have closed their minuscule little eyelids. That is, if crickets even have eyelids... 

I know it's not because I feel the need to chaperon my little sister and her boyfriend as they make out in the pool right now as I write. That's completely not it.

At least, not every night...

I think it's because of a sort of nocturnal joie de vivre that can be linked to the days of lightning-bug catching and flashlight tag. Days when my parents would scoop big bowls of ice cream and take us out onto the porch during a thunderstorm to watch the lightning. 
Back when I had a porch.

That's when I think.
Really think. 

Huge, sprawling, wandering thoughts that are far reaching and unintelligible. It's when I try to fit my life into boxes, that morph into 20 sided figures that can't quite be articulated. It's when I question everything that I know myself to be. 

Who are we really in the dead of night? Certainly not
 the same people we are during the day, when we're driving down the highway with the windows down, dripping in the heat because the AC doesn't work.
At night we dream metaphors and sit in a cool darkness that wraps around your eyes if the clouds happen to be covering the numberless stars. 

Late at night, I believe in language. I believe in Hedonism.
It's night when I want to run through a moonlight forest in naught but a sheet, magic afoot. Nighttime is when I believe in magic.

It's daylight that brings with it the heavy humidity of a Virginia summer. Like a damper on a trumpet, your heart doesn't beat as fast and your actions more languid. 

Now every day isn't like this, but tonight- that's what I feel. Tonight I'm a lyricist. Words are my pleasure. 

I think I'll leave you with a completely unrelated book recommendation. Though it has nothing to do with this post- Marisha Pessl's Special Topics in Calamity Physics is a fabulous read. A great story, and thoroughly enjoyable style and syntax.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I'm at the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco bell

Why my life is inexplicably awesome...

So I've been gone a while. 

That's the thing about blogging without obligation. I can return to pseudo-journaling whenever I feel the urge to 'take up the pen'

The problem with that urge is that it's continually lukewarm whenever I sit in front of a computer. Sure, at work I'm constantly reviewing phrases in my head- a sort of running commentary of my every action that occasionally borders into a literotica-esque captioning of my day (i.e. "as I handed him his change our hands mashed together, crumpling a crisp dollar to the soundtrack of falling nickels and dimes").

A number of things I'd like to get out tonight...but since I'd like to spread it out a little bit, I figured I'd write a blog series. (A blog series because they will appear consecutively within the next day and a half- other than that they may be completely unrelated.)
The loosely termed 'theme' of this blog series? 
Summer

The first post? Soundtracks and Staying up Late. Read On...

Sunday, May 17, 2009

For the Duration of Forever

Dearest Blog Reader,

I think I may be mentally unstable sometimes. In a good way of course. 
Please pardon any lapses into inappropriate behavior.

Thank you Kindly,
Steph


Alright, with that out of the way. I have been completely lazy since the semester ended. I finished my kick-ass model for studio then peaced out. Mentally. Actually, I missed a lot of meetings etc. because of my physical absence as well. My weakness Mother Nature? Nice weather. 
And Oh, Baby did she deliver it. The last couple weeks have been interspersed with rain and gorgeousness, and some days a mix of both. With the weather so unpredictable so was I, I met everyone imaginable's family, said goodbye to a lot of friends for the summer (and next Fall-- Woah Europe), spent entire days packing up the contents of my house, and the rest outside reading. 
I am such a book junkie. Entire days spent with a book. I don't even care- I'll return to reality eventually... No, this (the Internet/ my blog) is not reality-- at least not entirely. Yes, maybe it's my reality. But I like to think of it as a stepping stone to reality. 
For all you know I could be telling you lies. I could be a 36 year old man living in San Fernando, California with a penchant for freezee pops.
I'm not ...But I could be.
So while I've officially established that this may or may not be reality, I've also been debating what to eat for lunch, seducing my semi-hot brownie bearing neighbor, and going to the library. 

I will consider my options here with you:
--> Lunch: I need to eat something, and soon. I have a free personal pan pizza coup from Pizza Hut, I have chicken in the fridge that I could make, and I need to go get some milk. What to do? Pick up something at the Lion? Make that Chicken?? Pizza???

--> Neighbor: I've mentioned Harrison before, he lives next door to me- brought over brownies once, asked morg and I to come over for basketball and wine at 3 AM once. Yea, him. Whenever I see him I always contemplate seduction.
 Cons: he lives next door and that would be extremely awkward when I decide to never see him again post-seduction, his family (including G-rents) is here for his graduation, and he comes home ridiculously drunk on occasion and pukes in the yard we share (I find this disgusting-- at least I make it to my toilet... for the most part).
Pros: it's the end of the year and I'll be moving out completely in four days, he's a swimmer (enough said on that), he makes damn good brownies, and he has a pretty good smile. 
--> Library: I've got some books to return. 
So while I go make these life decisions, you can continue on as if nothing happened here. 
Nothing to see folks, nothing to see. 

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I'm back! like the backstreet boys.

I vanished from the Internet for a while. 
But I am back (alright! dun na na na na dun na dun na na, alright!)
^pretend that never happened.

Alright, Essentially a whole month... but I have an excuse (several actually) which I will proceed to list in this post, along with other thoughts about life lately.

1. I failed the LEED test and was wallowing in shame and vodka. I am useless.
Truthfully? I did fail, but only by 4 points! ridiculous, that is the equivalent of two questions. It was probably that one about SMACNA. Fuck SMACNA. and Energy and Atmospheres Credit 4.3...
To be completely honest, I barely missed the mark, and I'll be taking the exam again at the end of the summer. (Bring it Sustainable Sites Credit 5)

2. My Hard drive Crashed. Yes. 
The fates were punishing me for mercilessly making fun of that guy at the apple store with really bad teeth... He was telling me something about turning off my computer whenever I transport it, but I couldn't listen to him because his apparently lack of oral hygiene had me attempting to hide the fact that I was vomiting in my mouth. Touché fates, touché.
It took 4 million years to fix it apparently. I was only slightly less aggravated than that guy----->

3. My Twenty-First Birthday was at the end of April.
I'm finally legal! (Did I say anything about vodka earlier, meaning before I was 21? That was totally a joke.)
Combine this with back-breaking deadlines in studio, juggling time between being sober enough to work on my studio stuff and allowing my friends to celebrate my birthing (awkward way to put it?), AND trying to make sure the rooms doesn't forget what I look like (She's amazing, and has to deal with essentially living alone for weeks at a time when I have a deadline coming up.). Let's just say that That left no time for blogging. 
I'm not sorry... BWO kids. Check it out over there on the sidebar <-----------

I did miss blogging though, I missed sharing so much that I began to blog in my shower. 
That's right. My 10 minutes allotted to the cleansing of...myself is the only time that I have to actually think (therefore, blog). So as I blogged several mental entries that you will never see--the content is a little bit...eh. 
Seriously though, have you ever thought how embarrassing it would be to slip, and accidentally die, only to have your roommate come find you dead and naked in the shower. I officially have concluded that to die naked is my greatest fear. Add public death to that scenario, and that embarrassment is following you into history. 
That incident becomes your life, because you aren't there to do anything else except for publicly embarrass yourself by dying nakedly. 
Ahem.

^ P.s. Clearly, I don't have a shower buddy or I wouldn't be thinking in the shower at all...

So there are a couple paths that my life, as it concerns blogging, might take. And just like one of those choose-you-own-adventure books, we'll be excited to see what happens. 
Now that I'm 21, I could totally become consumed with actually having a social life (why that would suddenly change after becoming 21, I'm not sure.) I could, end up with a lot more drunken posts (I mean- any drunken posts- pshhh I never drank before turning 21!). I could continue, as usual, posting occasionally--when I remember how funny my imaginary blog post was in the shower that morning. OR maybe I'll even blog more often, now that the semester is finally over and I'll have time to breathe again.

Alright blogging world. Now that I'm back, turn to page 345 to see me go into studio and finish my work, or page 23 to see me drop out of school and become a professional bar-goer. 

Monday, April 6, 2009

LEED LEED LEED LEED blank.

LEED exam tomorrow. It's all I can think about. All I have been thinking about. 
I will post soon. So much to chronicle, and so little time. 
I wish I had an hour or so to dedicate to blogging and reading blogs tonight. I don't, so you get a whopping 5 minutes of my time- most of that being the time it took to google the picture of LEED certification. 
F'in USGBC. I just want to be certified. 
Let you know how it goes tomorrow? Why, Certainly.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

"Craptastic" and biscotti (but not together)

I spontaneously (just now) decided to deliberately ignore the title of this post. 

Tonight I returned to the t-house from an exhausting day of actually doing work and teaching two fitness classes, and the rooms informed me that our new favorite show was on. 
"American Idol?" you ask. Lost? Grey's Anatomy? Sex and the City? The Gospel Truth with Andrew Wommack? (wait, what?) No. No. No. Nope. and only secretly. 
Our new favorite show is Little Miss Perfect on We TV. (it comes in our cable package- step off)
No trashy reality show currently on TV can compare to the overbearing and ridiculously inappropriate pageant mothers, the creepily made-up 4-11 year olds, and the flaming ex-disney princess Pageant director Michael Galanes. (Honestly, listening to him break into a song about rainbows and the beauty inside you... ridiculous.)

Ok, so this is probably not something that I would tell people in my daily every day life. I mean, posting it all over the Internet is one thing, but no one actually watches that show in real life. Besides, it clearly wouldn't help me in my quest to find a hot guy that will bask in my ultra-cool company and witty repartee.  
But uh, despite our extremely busy social lives, the rooms and I were hanging out at home late one saturday evening watching a Little Miss Perfect marathon. 
Golden- got the pjs, the ugly shirt I found while hiking, creepy valentines day booties/slippers (see picture and substitute weird hearts for cupcake)
- not to mention the brushed out end-of-the-day fro. 
Enter random brownie neighbor aka Harrison, Drunk as usual. He pops up whenever I'm wearing the exact same thing (aka looking homeless). 
He then proceeds to ridicule and mock us while simultaneously asking to borrow my phone so he can call the DD to locate his lost one. That guy loses his phone more than Britney loses her mind. 
Being the nice, obliging neighbor that I am, I lend him my phone and make awkward small talk all while pretending that Little Miss Perfect is not on the TV. And being the nice, drunk, and possibly creepy neighbor that he is, Harrison invites me and the rooms over for...wine? it's now about 1:30 am, and he's asking a girl in pj pants, booties, and a fro to go "drink some wine". 
The worst part? We didn't go because we really wanted to continue watching Little Miss Perfect. <-------reason #87 why I don't have a boyfriend.

Moral of the story? Pageant mom's are CRAY-zee. 

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Skiing to Certain Death

Tonight I was talking with my sister and her boyfriend about my impending journey to Europe, and while we were talking about all of the impossibly amazing things I will be doing (too many to list) skiing came up. 
I'll be in Riva San Vitale (aka the Swiss Alps) and my professor has informed us that we'll be skiing a couple times, at least. 
This is awesome, I mean, who gets to go skiing in the Alps?!

The problem? 

Despite the fact that my parents both lived in Vermont, I don't know how to ski. Sure, I've been to the ski slopes... in JULY
 (we go to Wintergreen every 4th for the fireworks and celebration) Even more ironic is that my parents not only lived in Vermont, they met there- working at... oh, a ski lodge. 

It's not necessarily that I just don't know how to ski. I'm 95.6% sure I will break something--despite the inordinate amounts of milk that I drink.  
Not to mention the fact that I'd rather learn on a mountain just a tiny bit smaller than the Alps. 

To be completely honest, it's not the slopes that scare me (so I fall on my butt and/or face a couple times? That's inevitable).  It's the lifts. How the hell do you get off of those things? You Jump?! Are you kidding me? 
That is where I'm going to end up taking advantage of the mandatory Swiss Health Insurance that has to be purchased with my student visa (that's a whole different blog post). 
The idea of navigating two long sticks strapped to my feet, when I can barely navigate their normal length, is a bad one.  
The worst possible scenario? Ending up like this guy (Vail, Colorado)... And then dropping to my death.
Dying with your pants off is bad enough. Dying without your pants off after falling off of a ski lift? Classy. 

I've thought about snowboarding. My balance isn't that bad, and that's one less stick to worry about painfully tripping over. 

It was my sister who came up with the ingenious solution to this problem: I obviously just need to find a really hot guy that will teach me. 
Foolproof. 

I'm sure he'll think it's really hot when I faceplant off the ski lift...

Friday, March 13, 2009

On Couples

Relationships baffle me. Maybe that's why I don't have them.

I'm spending some quality time visiting Bleighton for a night or so, and of course, on her turf- that means spending time with her on-again off-again boyfriend. Now, this is not a bad thing. He's actually another of my close friends, so it's nice to be able to spend time with them. It's just their relationship in general that confuses me. I'm not even sure why- maybe it's because they have something that I don't (and maybe will never) understand.

They are in Love. That's why they are together again after the last time that he broke up with her. No, I don't understand the concept of 'getting back together' but then again, I've never been in Love. This isn't necessarily the part that I don't get. They are just so different- He is almost her polar opposite. They have different opinions on almost all of the subjects they talk about, they care about completely different things- he's into politics, opinions, drinking, and world views-- she's into working out, the earth, friends, cooking, and mochas. He's a momma's boy, and she's not. He's conservative, she's liberal. He wants to talk about it, she'd rather just get over it. There are things about this that work out perfectly: she loves to cook, he'll do the dishes after. She does all of her work, he makes her take a time out and have fun (and in turn, she inspires him to do his work). They do have a couple things in common- I'll give you that; they want to stay in the area and grow a family here, they're small-town, they love food, music, and movies. Most of all, they actually love each other.

I know that opposites attract, but when is when? what is just enough to work out and what isn't?

Using them as my only example may not be fair- putting anyone's relationship (or lack thereof) under a microscope is going to turn up problems and anomalies. But theirs' is a relationship that I've gotten to know from both perspectives. Of course, I am a little biased, mostly because she's my best friend and I'm bound to take up her banner.

I think that it boils down to understanding and what you do with it. You've really got to understand the person you are in a relationship with (or try to understand them). I think that if people (myself included) understand one another and accept any flaws or shortcomings they may have, they will be fine. The accepting part is the hardest. You can say to someone a million times "I don't want to change you. I accept you as you are." but then you turn around and try to push them towards something against their nature.
Again, I'm going to use B and her boyfriend as an example (sorry guys!).
Bleighton will never, ever be one of those people who wants to confront you about something. It's a part of her personality and won't change. Jon constantly want her to confront him- to tell him what she's thinking, when she knows it will make him upset. She loves him so much that she never wants to hurt him, she would do anything to protect him form being hurt. At the same time, he wants to know what bothers her, he always wants to know what she doesn't like. That if they force little confrontations, it will essentially avoid any huge ones. Maybe this works. But I think that he's pushing her to change who she is (unintentionally). He's not doing it to hurt her, or because he's a bad boyfriend. Just the opposite, he's doing it because he thinks it's the only way to keep their relationship healthy. Is it?


I don't know how to fix this. I am by no means an expert-- clearly my lack of successful relationships show this the best. But they understand one another. They know where their flaws lie and they recognize them. I just think that if they can move on to accepting them completely, and finding a way to work with both of their personalities. Then it will work.


I think they'll find a way. I hope so. In the mean time, I'm going to go break some more hearts or something. Fuck relationships.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Bull-pen

I'm pretty sure "bull-pen" is a baseball term. Though I can't be 150% sure, because baseball isn't my sport. This is my sport:
God, he is hot. And absolutely a sport too... don't mess.

To be completely honest, the word "bull-pen" (phrase?) popped into my head randomly, along with the burning desire to use it as a theme in a blog post. So, with the help of Some handy widgets: 
(God, I love widgets)
Ways in which my life has been like being in a bullpen:

1. I have been in a holding area for months: recently, the contents of my computer were completely erased, the result of which is a slow rebuilding of all of my vital information and programs (half of which are still MIA) plus I lost ALL of my passwords and important info that my amazing mac normally just fills in for me- you know that 'remember me on this computer' box that you always check because, damn, every site requires some variation on your normal password? Yea, well all of those "remember me"s were erased. Completely. Long story short, you say? ...I forgot my blogger password, and google hated me for a week or two. BUT, I've re-learned it, and I'm posting again. Not that I would've posted had I known my password, but nonetheless. <----(that's a legit word.)

2. the prisoner one: Classes are CRAZY. Remind me again why I picked this major? Everyone is switching! It's insanity! At least two or three people decided to switch majors last week- and I'm estimating losses to our class of about 10 from now to the end of the semester. Our graduating class will now have approximately 70 people out of the 150 who started. Cray-Zee. That's all I really can say, because everyone is making plans- that's all we hear about; who's going where for study-abroad (Riva San Vitale, Switzerland- PUT IT UP!), internships for the summer, portfolios, and thesis. Plans. I'm a prisoner of my own plans and decisions. Even on spring break- all of the arrangements are supposed to be taking place. I need to be making phone calls, I need to be filling out Student Visa forms, I need to be doing all of this stuff. I'm on break, but I just want to break out!

3. the Open-plan office area: Every once in a while I realize that I could do anything with my life. Really, anything. I don't have to be an architect. I could graduate and open a dog-breeding kennel. I could open a Bed and Breakfast. I could get married and pop out some babies. I could be happy. I could be depressed. I could leave the country. I could switch majors. I could sell my virginity for millions of dollars. I could adopt several cats. I could move in with my parents. I could move to L.A. and waitress for the rest of my life waiting for my "big break". I could become an Internet celebrity on YouTube and support myself by selling T-shirts.  I could take the contents of my basement to Antiques roadshow. 
Point? I feel like I'm on a track- that I have to do things "the right way" but life is weird. I have the power to make it up. I really can do anything. Sure, there will be obstacles to anything that I attempt (i.e. getting citizenship in a remote Italian province,  Transporting everything to the closest antiques roadshow, or being interesting enough to get 23,847,034,587-45 hits on my YouTube video) but if I really wanted to- I could make it happen. We make excuses when we feel overwhelmed, or if we are afraid to do something. If you don't want to do something- you find an excuse. Take away the excuses and, whoa, wide open office-plan. Yea, baby- kiss those walls good-bye.

So musings aside- maybe I'll have something useful to write about tomorrow. Maybe I won't care enough. Maybe I will. Perhaps I'll share some more of what's going on in my life right now, and I won't get caught up in all of the feelings and crap associated. (not likely) Maybe there will actually be a lot to share.

Either way--look for me on YouTube...

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Lamp

Here are revealed the fruits of my labor.


This lamp was designed through a 3-day design/build challenge for my Environmental Building studies class. Further iterations will be developed, including different materials, etc. Though the same central idea will most likely remain.

The shade/lamp covering is constructed from bond-type paper. It's mounted onto a 2x4 with a channel cut through the back for wiring (I used a dado blade)

*NB: any phallical resemblance is purely coincidental. As are any fecal references. (oh, art.















These pictures were taken in one of the design lab's meeting rooms- the drawings, plans, sketches, etc. are not mine. The room that I used is generally an ID room (Industrial Design). Just throwing that out there for you.

Though the design was originally for a wall-hung lamp, I chose not to mount it for the judging, and it ended up this way:
I'm not exactly sure which way I like better, but because of the channel design, it lays flat either way. After the final round of judging, I'm taking it home to hang up- so I'm not sure that it matters except for future iterations.

Alright, I hope my design talk didn't bore you out of your mind. There's not much room for witty commentary when you're describing the channel for wiring design. (I'll wire your design) <----one possible example... So this weekend I will be MIA from the whole entire internet, as I head to fitness Expo!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Join The Mother(effing)Party!

I'm a superstar.

Or maybe just famous?

Ok. Local Celebrity.

...Right. I sometimes get recognized.
Mostly via drunk girls at parties ("Oh. My. God. You teach Zumba at the gym! This is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo weird that you're here." ...yea, it's not that weird.)

You're looking at (or reading...at?) your friendly neighborhood Zumba instructor. I love my job. Even if it's my second job. What? Teaching Latin cardio fitness classes doesn't exactly pay the rent. Hence, another job that actually pays for my tuition.
So clearly that's not why I do it. Why do I do it exactly (besides essentially mandatory workouts twice a week)? Because of classes like the one I had Wednesday.

Wednesday I subbed a class for the only other instructor in Blacksburg. It was a class at the local Y, not my usual stomping grounds. I teach on Campus as a VT fitness instructor. So just because it's a different (much more age diverse) crowd, I was a little nervous. Would my playlist be appropriate? Would they get my (admissibly lame) jokes?
I was so hyped up that I got there 30 minutes early and sat in the dance room listening to the music. That was when I remembered why I love Zumba so much. It's not about looking hot, it's about feeling that way. And it's my job to make everyone comfortable and loose enough to do that. Every single person has the right to feel awesome about themselves, every woman has the right to feel hot- no matter their size or age. I'm so used to teaching beautiful, vibrant 20-somethings, that I forgot how much fun it is to get down with a group of completely different people.
I love my job.


I had planned on posting pictures of my finished (and architecturally striking, of course) lamp tonight. But the camera was MIA in the wee hours of the morning when I had to go set it up. AKA, I woke up at 8:30 and had to pin-up at 9, which means the camera was sitting on the entertainment center and I just forgot it.
So pictures of my (completed. Yes, completed. Let it be known that I am not useless and completely unmotivated) architectural masterpiece of a lamp will be up tomorrow sometime.
Get excited.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Does This Mean We get a Water park?

Obama's stimulus package was passed by the Senate. I'm pretty sure that means we get a water park. Seriously. It's one of the many, tiny, odd, and seemingly obtuse ideas in politics that still astound me. Under the pretense of "creating jobs" for construction, design (which I appreciate- Obama, you got my back), and ...well stimulating? (Politics always sounds dirty, it's not you.)
I'm guessing that this was added in some sort of attempt to get the bill stonewalled in the senate.

Some republicans were like, "Let's add a fucking water park, who'd pass that shit?"

What they didn't think of, was how much Democrats love water parks. Yea, sucka.


I have a couple questions though... Where will this water park be? who will be able to enjoy said water park? Will it have a politically-oriented theme? When will the water park open? Construction costs?
Basically: I want to go to a politically themed water park. How boss would that be? (does anyone even say 'boss' anymore...I am a true child of the 90s)

So besides water parks and crusty old republicans who, I'm sure, look horrible in swimsuits (as opposed to their svelte Democratic counterparts) I've other news.

Clearly, I'm still alive.
This girl knows how to spin shit like no other.

After spending large amounts of time walking across campus in the perfect weather we had here yesterday (Mid-sixties, sunny, and un-windy, magically) I was able to gather my thoughts, some perspective, and finally talk to B-baby.
And I decided that it really didn't matter that I didn't finish my project perfectly. My professor knows what's been going on in my life yesterday. I've been missing whole weekends (when we arch students really get our work on) to be home with my family, and he knows that. So when I confidently spoke about my piece of crap that was sitting beside me in Pin-up (aka presentation, or design charrette to those not in the biz) I was able to wow him into realizing all of the time and thought I'd put into my crap-ass project.

It was impressive.

Because although my project did suck a little, I knew everything about it. Plus, my initial design was well-thought-out, carefully executed, and well-drawn. It was only the model that sucked.

Moral of the story? I'm allowed to freak out online, publicly... it makes me feel better. That and the fact that one girl didn't have hers done, but she had way less than I did and didn't even try to present. (Yaaaaaaay I wasn't the worst.)

p.s. I still have my pride, etc.

I'm off to my Building Structures: Steel class in a bit. (I love shear and moments!) Then I'm off to the woodshop... that project due thursday? it's a lamp I'm designing. It's gonna be totally boss. Yea, that's right. Boss.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Absolute, Complete, and Utter Failure

You call it failure, I call it resignation.

Today at exactly 1 O'clock, I will be turning in possibly the worst model/project ever made by a 3rd Year Architecture student.
For some reason I just had a complete breakdown during this project, which is actually an extension of a project we did last semester. A complete mind collapse.
I say resignation, because this morning, when I tried to salvage my pride and turn a conglomeration of hot glue, Soldering metal, and zap it into a functioning and presentable model, I had to stop. I couldn't do it.
Now, I am not someone who has ever failed anything (except for a maybe a math test-but not from lack of trying or effort.) This project today will be my first real, actual failure. It's going to be interesting. I'll probably cry...just so there can be no confusion over the total loss of pride, work ethic, and reputation.
Sure, there have been a lot of variables- My mother's return to Chemo, my lack of motivation to become an architect when it's one of the 5 careers NOT to go into right now, and the bachelor (which I watch obsessively). O.K. so that last one: not so much a variable.
The only thing that I can possibly hope, is that my professor takes into account how hard this has been for me, and that I can bring my grade up to passing in the coming semester. I'm banking on option #1.
What I really need to do, is stop feeling miserable, and look at my options. This is not the end of the world. One project won't end my career in architecture.
And if it does...there's always prostitution. I mean, this girl is selling her virginity for 3.5 million dollars. Back-up plan #1. Well, maybe that can be back-up plan number 5 or 6 or something...
In reality, if this semester really goes that poorly, and they don't allow me to stay in the program, I'll just switch my major. All of my plans, etc. will be gonzo, but I won't die. I will live. Even if I end up working at Sam's club for the rest of my life, I will live.
Good god, can one project really ruin your life that much? No. If there's one thing I won't do, it's let that happen. I'm over this. A release of feelings, a quick loss of pride, and I'm on to the next project (which is due Thursday.) Good Lord, I'ma die.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Lovin' Leopard

New Things!
Change is definitely good, especially if it's for the better. I was able to exercises some of my design muscles in a new way last night. You might notice the result in the overhaul of the blog appearance.
It's fun. I might have to restrain myself from changing it every month. Mostly due to the fact that I just found a site with the best free fonts in the WORLD. For some reason, fonts just speak to me. Maybe because they make words, which I'm already infatuated with, into something...more. They also have the best names: the one on my header- which I have now adopted as Carpet Bodies' official font (This of course, is subject to change) is called "brown bear funk".

I also feel sort-of like I'm coming out of the closet, and into the large and eclectically decorated living room of the blogging world. I've been exploring and reading, discovering and laughing. We really do put our lives out and onto the internet- our very personalities. It's crazy (In a good way, of course.)
I say coming out of the closet, because I've been blogging for almost a year now- but I've never really been blogging. You know? It's more than just posting and releasing your thoughts out there. That's fine too, but there's also this whole subculture- groups of different people writing about their lives. I've come across people who are like me, people who are not, people in different walks of life, people that I don't really understand. But they're all still out there, sharing their thoughts and opinions all the same.
My favorite blogs are the ones that are so clearly a creative release. They're not seriously writing, they're writing just because. Just for the hell of it.

That reminds me, I was watching E! last night (well half-watching, the other half of me was assembling my new header, etc.) and Mario Lopez was talking about some man group or something, and they were discussing women, and what they found attractive and unattractive based on viewers questions. One of the questions (Aha! there is a point to this story!) was from a girl who asked if her cursing was unattractive. All of the men on this panel-of-sorts unanimously agreed that cursing was a major turnoff. Is it really?
I mean, sure if she has a mouth like a sailor... but really? so guys can spew profanities like a drunk sorority girl spews...(discontinuing simile here), but we, as women, must not say such things.
Now, I do actually agree that cursing a LOT makes you look trashy- when you think about it- it's rude. But I also have to admit that I love throwing a good one in every now and then. It's for emphasis... That brings me to the real question- does that apply to writing? Is it unattractive for women to include curse words in their writing? And wait--can writing be attractive?

Interesting thoughts.

In other updates, my quest to meet someone which is more or less, a half-hearted endeavor due to my self imposed regulations (I won't be stationary for another year--therefore no dog, and no man) has been absolutely boring and fruitless.
By some twist of fate (but mainly structured program components) there is no one new in any of my classes. Since the Architecture program is relatively small, you know everyone after a while. And the ones that are attractive options, well they are taken or gay. Damn.
Everyone says to "join a club"! Go somewhere new! Unfortunately, I really don't have time to join a club (please refrain from any comments having to do with blogging taking up a significant amount of free time...I'm at work right now a.k.a. getting paid for this sucka!)
Going somewhere new is hard when you live in Blacksburg, VA.

OK, so I honestly have no right to complain- I go to school at a male-dominated campus, and have a neighbor who brings me brownies (though My roommate swears his mom was there that weekend and that, consequently, it was she who made the brownies and sent him over with them) This should still make me feel better.

Someone told me once that I'm intimidating. I'd like to think it's just an overwhelming amount of beauty and intelligence that makes me unapproachable. Though, in all reality, it's probably the fact that whenever I'm on campus, I'm either with my roommate, or I'm reading the book that I keep stowed in my purse. (That's right- I keep books in my purse. Always.)
I just remind myself that I'll meet all kinds of people in about two months time, when I finally (finally) turn 21. I will go out, be fabulous, and have many guys buy me drinks because I'm so outgoing and flirty (this will, of course, be after I've already bought myself a few drinks). Though the caliber of such men that would be met in those situations? Well...this is College.

I know, I know, and I know a million times- that you will find someone just when you least expect it. And maybe that's true, but, uh? could he hurry up a little bit... I mean , damn. At this rate I'm on the fast track to being that teacher you always felt bad for in high school because she so clearly didn't have anyone in her life- and never would.

Maybe if I stopped cursing?


Saturday, February 7, 2009

If You Seek Amy


So, after surfing the blogging world for a good deal of this afternoon, I came upon this blogging game. I'm not exactly sure what my shuffle will turn up, but it will no doubt be embarrassing.

1. Put Your iTunes or Ipod on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the ‘next’ button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.


What do your friends think of you?
When you're Around - Motion City SoundTrack [God I hope not--for those who don't know the chorus of this song is "I can't fuckin stand it, when you're around"]

If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
Drive Away - All American Rejects [I cross my t's and dot my i-i-i's... probably, I'm always running away]

How would you describe yourself?
Hips Don't Lie - Shakira ft. Wyclef [Right. Well, if by this I'm hot, sexy, and otherwise irresistible? Then yes, this describes me completely]

What do you like in a girl?
New Soul - Yael Naïm [I guess this would be what I liked in a guy- something new, hey, sounds good.]

How do you feel today?
Open Book - Cake [I actually feel exactly like this. I'm writing my life, and who knows what page to turn?]

What is your life’s purpose?
She has no Time - Keane [maybe this is a theme of my life right now, and not so much my purpose]

What is your motto?
Llame Pa' Verte - Wisin y Yandel [Well, this song is about being overall badass and having big cajones... At least I got the badass part, sort-of.]

What do you think about very often?
Saint and Sailors -Dashboard Confessional [well, not really. But I do think about relationships I guess...]

What is 2 + 2?
One (Blake's Got a New Face) - Vampire Weekend [now, 2 + 2 is not 1, but the fact that I even got a number is just fucking amazing. Providence?]

What do you think of your best friend?
Hey Jealousy (Gin Blossoms) - Hit the Lights. [Great song. I'm not so sure B would agree that that's what I think of her though...]

What do you think of the person you like?
Breakdown -Forever The Sickest Kids [That sounds about right]

What is your life story?
Hey...You Guys Want To See A Dead Body? - The Fully Down [haha- maybe]

What do you want to be when you grow up?
You Belong with Me - Taylor Swift [happy? I want to be the girl that you want? it's possible I guess- though I'm much more into the whole career thing]

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Hum Along - Ludo [This is Ironic. Really- this song is the one I associate with the guy I last liked... lyrics: But maybe (as I walk and sing), somehow, you'll hear me (you'll hear a song) And hum along A.K.A. this song is about being a creepy stalker and being in love with someone who doesn't know that you exist... I couldn't have hand-picked a more fitting song. Oh the twisted fingers of fate. That and iTunes shuffle]

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Poker Face - Lady Gaga [why not? By the time I get married that song will be just like 'YMCA']

What will they play at your funeral?
Temper Temper - Envy On The Coast [Well that might be what led to my death, does that make it strangely fitting?]

What is your hobby/interest?
Bshorty Grabs Mic! - Blake Lewis [Beat-boxing is my number one interest/hobby. Really folks. Number One.]

What is your biggest fear?
Still In Love With You - Jonas Brothers [This probably is a big fear; other than the fear of showing the whole world that I have Jonas Brothers on my iTunes--busted that one wide open--being left without anything, even a goodbye, that's a pretty big fear. God that was way too deep for a Jonas Brothers' song]

What is your biggest secret?
So Young, So Sick - The Mile After [I'm not so sure this is a secret]

What do you think of your friends?
Bella (She's All I Ever Had) - Ricky Martin [Aw. Other than the fact that iTunes happened to spew out some really embarrassing stuff, this is cute.]

What will you post this as?
If You Seek Amy -Britney Spears [damn.]






All I Can Say Is "Eh Eh"

I'm not Italian, but if I was, this is what I would say. This week has been a complete blow-it-off-your-shoulders week. Not anywhere near last week, where I just blew it off in general. This week I've just been floating through it all. I go and I do it, but that's just about all. I've been letting it just roll off.
I almost feel like I'm made of glass, I've been tiptoeing around myself because I feel like I might break at any moment. It's a weird feeling. I'm not sure what it's all about, but hopefully I can go back to being steel or iron in a couple weeks.

Morgan and I had a total girl's night last night. It was studded with movies, pjs, cookies, gabbing and more movies. We went to see He's Just Not That Into You last night. And I am EXTREMELY happy to announce that it was SO good!
That's a movie I will probably end up buying and watching 12,984,713,457,394,579,548 times. I should never have doubted the ability of Hollywood to make a sucky/repetitive non-fiction book into an extremely cute Love Actually-esque story. The whole movie is so... well, cute. Of course, every storyline ends exactly the way I want it to, but that's what I went there to see. I did not go to see reality. Although, for most of the movie, it was really realistic. The girls acted like embarrassing, dimwitted, denial-obsessed morons, and the guys completely represented every facet of the word 'deuchebag'. It was easy to think "oh, well that was overdone." but honestly? That. Is. What. We. Do.
I'm glad the ending was able to stick the band-aid over my now slashed hopes and dreams.
I walked out loving the movie. Only this morning did I realize it did still have the same message overall as the book: An annoyingly straight forward "No, Girls. Just, no."

My favorite/most loathed Realisms from the movie:

1. You are the Rule, Not the exception. [Read: almost every time, he doesn't like you. Guys won't change for you. Ever. You live in Southwest Virginia not Hollywood. Check the area code one more time, then forget about him]

2. Stop Looking at your Phone. If he didn't call, he's never going to. There isn't a problem, as much as I really, really want to call him- it's not worth it. We dissect our every action and what it means, they don't. If he likes you, he'll call.

3. Random Guys you Meet are NOT going to Fall in Love With you Immediately. This doesn't actually happen. In fact, a lot of time- they don't remember your name. They probably aren't going to be intrigued in one look.

4. Apparently, Everything your Friends Tell you Is A Lie to Make you Feel Better. unfortunately, I think this might be true. We all do it. I do it, I know other people do. We are incapable of telling our friends the truth if it hurts. Often the truth is along the lines of: He just got tired of you. He met someone prettier. You were a bitch. Of course, there are other parts to this, but really?
5. Guys Are Assholes. This is Not OK. Don't give it up anyway. He won't change. If guys keep getting girls by acting like assholes, why would they possibly act any other way? Why are the majority of them like this? Because we will still date them even when they are pieces of crap.


Alright, so basically this is exactly what the book says. It says, "Wait until someone loves you for you! You're worth it!" Right. Even though these are all valid points. I'll still be Gigi from the movie. I know that this all makes sense, and logically I can't even argue with it. But I want to be the exception.I know that my life isn't going to go movie-script on me, but holding on to a dream that you will fall in love with someone who loves you... is that such a bad thing? I realize that you have to work through relationships but you have to want to work through them right? There has to be a reason that you want to be with someone.

I will be alone forever.

This is completely possible. But I won't be alone, not really. I won't have an amazing guy in my life maybe, but I'll always have my friends and family who love me more than life. I'll have a puppy/dog. I'll will live my life.


I still hate that damn book.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Rereading & Rephrasing

So I just Re-read my previous post, and instead of going back to edit it all out- I decided to clarify. When I said, "Senior boyfriend with facial hair" I was only joking when referring to the facial hair of the guy in the picture- to be compltely honest, but way less funny, the word "Senior" did not refer to old men. Damn.
So instead of making excuses and having you laugh at the fact that I love old men, I've decided to leave you with an undoubted beacon of truth in the Hot Guys With Facial Hair catagory. Ladies, I give you: Jonas Armstrong, hottest man alive.
Here's a couple of my favorite Robin Hood of All Time.Hot.Extra Hot.Exponentially Hot. Enough Said.

Lemme Upgrade ya

You know that Beyonce commercial? Well, I'm about to get upgraded! By the next post (sorry there haven't been that many lately) I will be running Mac OSX Leopard.
If you didn't know already (but I'm assuming if you are reading this-that you do know already) I'm a complete Mac girl. No PC love here... in fact- Zunes are stupid too, just because they are the PC version of iPods.
I'm really excited about this upgrade, however-Our software department "doesn't carry Mac operating systems" so I had to buy it through the bookstore. I really need to upgrade, even though I'm a little bit nervous about it now. I have a ton of re-downloading to do tonight. ArchiCad, Google Earth, I have to reload Adobe Creative Suites, and I might not even have it! CRAP, I have to find out who has my CDs! I hope I don't have to set up my Mail again either. This had better be worth it... The worst is going to be ArchiCad, because not only do I have to download it from online, but it takes a really long time to download, and then I might have to re-register it (pain in the Arse) and because it's the EDU version. This will take approximately a week.
The worst part about this: I don't have iLife :( I would have bought it online, but it costs just as much as Leopard, and right now I can't even really afford that. So I had to restrain myself, and not buy iLife. I seriously don't know what I'll do without ichat, and iphoto.
Nonetheless, I am pumped for this. =I'm going to be running the best operating system in the world now. Not the outdated Tiger one (Though I have much love for you, my friend).
It's kind of weird saying goodbye to it, maybe because I don't know what to expect- sure I've taken the online tutorials, gazed at the new Macs in the windows of stores, coveted Leopard on my sister's new mac. I'm ready. But it's a bit like getting out of that relationship with the clingy, immature-but-still-a-little-cute-in-a-nostalgic-way, boyfriend that you dated in highschool. You think fondly of it, but you are so completely ready for that gorgeous senior guy-who-can-actually-grow-facial-hair. That's Leopard.
So tonight, possibly after I teach zumba, and after I have Demo practice, when I finally get home and (maybe) take a shower... then I will upgrade. First though, I have to back up my music, back up my pictures, decide what files to save, and what files I already have, curse myself for not investing in an external hard drive, and then just wipe it all. I need to also learn how to do some of this. How, exactly, do you wipe a computer. After consideration, I see quite possibly in my future, a call to Daddy as well.
Ah, well...such is life.

So, my dear Tiger... it's not you, it's me. Actually- it's Leopard, he has the most amazing facial hair I've ever seen. So I'ma hafta UPGRADEJYA!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Cracking Up...In A Bad Way

Last week was possibly my worst week ever. Notice I say my worst week ever.
Ever have one of those weeks when you are too all over the place to get anything done, but at the same time- you couldn't care less if you actually get it done, no matter the consequences.
Well, that was me this week. I was in poor form, I barely went to class, I ate a whole package of mint grasshopper cookies in basically one day- I drank a gallon of milk in two days. I was exhausted from studio (which I barely went to), fitness classes, demo team practice, and just overall feeling like shit.
I guess this is just one of those down times- like literally...mood is down. It's not like things are going wrong, and the funny part is I can pinpoint it to two things:
1. I hated my studio project with the burning fire of a thousand suns (that's a lot.)
2. My mom's cancer count is back up, and the Chemo is making a poor showing.

It's probably mostly option number two, seeing as I've hated a couple of my studio projects in the past, but I still actually did them.
Yes, that's right. I, Steph- former goody-two-shoes and excellent student, didn't finish my project. I stopped and couldn't do anymore. I procrastinated to a degree I never have before, thinking about tons and kilotons of other things and never did it. It's O.K. because I explained to my professor what's going on right now with the family and everything, and he gave me as much time as I need. It was really awesome- no grade penalties. That should make me feel fabulous.
The sign that I'm really in a hole here, is that I still don't feel fabulous, in fact- I feel like crying every 20 minutes. I'm not PMS-ing, I'm just emotional.
I think I just had a feeling that this treatment wouldn't go well- I even had my bfitu go do reconnaissance for me to see how the Momz was feeling. The biggest blow was that Yesterday I got an email, from my mom going out to our family mailing list (very personal- me and the other 35 some people on it) saying that the first round of Chemo is going badly. Thanks guys...I love hearing it in an email to our 5,485,634,875,749,587 other relatives. Maybe being pissed off is easier than being hurt and scared.

So that's my quick update: week sucked, life hurts.

On the flip side: I saw a really cute guy whilst driving today...

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