Friday, January 30, 2009

Cracking Up...In A Bad Way

Last week was possibly my worst week ever. Notice I say my worst week ever.
Ever have one of those weeks when you are too all over the place to get anything done, but at the same time- you couldn't care less if you actually get it done, no matter the consequences.
Well, that was me this week. I was in poor form, I barely went to class, I ate a whole package of mint grasshopper cookies in basically one day- I drank a gallon of milk in two days. I was exhausted from studio (which I barely went to), fitness classes, demo team practice, and just overall feeling like shit.
I guess this is just one of those down times- like literally...mood is down. It's not like things are going wrong, and the funny part is I can pinpoint it to two things:
1. I hated my studio project with the burning fire of a thousand suns (that's a lot.)
2. My mom's cancer count is back up, and the Chemo is making a poor showing.

It's probably mostly option number two, seeing as I've hated a couple of my studio projects in the past, but I still actually did them.
Yes, that's right. I, Steph- former goody-two-shoes and excellent student, didn't finish my project. I stopped and couldn't do anymore. I procrastinated to a degree I never have before, thinking about tons and kilotons of other things and never did it. It's O.K. because I explained to my professor what's going on right now with the family and everything, and he gave me as much time as I need. It was really awesome- no grade penalties. That should make me feel fabulous.
The sign that I'm really in a hole here, is that I still don't feel fabulous, in fact- I feel like crying every 20 minutes. I'm not PMS-ing, I'm just emotional.
I think I just had a feeling that this treatment wouldn't go well- I even had my bfitu go do reconnaissance for me to see how the Momz was feeling. The biggest blow was that Yesterday I got an email, from my mom going out to our family mailing list (very personal- me and the other 35 some people on it) saying that the first round of Chemo is going badly. Thanks guys...I love hearing it in an email to our 5,485,634,875,749,587 other relatives. Maybe being pissed off is easier than being hurt and scared.

So that's my quick update: week sucked, life hurts.

On the flip side: I saw a really cute guy whilst driving today...


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Throw me to the Dogs.

As promised, the lowdown on my animal visiting.

We got to the shelter (which is in the middle of NOWHERE) and told the girl at the desk that we were there to play with the animals, etc.
she gave us the scoop, you tell her which dogs you want to take out, and play with any and all of the cats that you want.
We went and I got morgan to actually touch a cat or two (this is huge because Morgan thinks cats are the creepiest animals ever. --might be an exaggeration) The thing was, all of these cats were so fat. I'm not sure why, but they were all obese. Now I guess I'm just used to seeing skinny shelter cats, so it was a weird shock for me. There weren't even very many cute ones- and not a lot of kittens- I must have missed that section.
So we decided- Onward! to the dogs! First we visited the small dogs/puppies section. and there were two puppies total- little beagles that were ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE. (that's right, all caps.)
We then went to walk some dogs. The first dog I walked "Beaufort" was adorable. Now normally, I love fluffy, slobbery, big dogs. But Beau, as I called him, was a big-ish hound mix thing. not hound enough for me to think him ugly, but not my normal cute. He was fun and playful, and loved to jump and play. he didn't know any directions, like "sit", "heel", or "down", but he was so sweet and energetic. I probably would have got him if I could have. I am definitely walking him again when I go back.

The next dog I walked was "Maggie". She looked all cute and adorable (like a certain flat coated retriever I used to know- except 45 pounds lighter) But she was really all muscle. That dog was crazy- as soon as we got out into the walked area, she grabbed the leash and started growling something serious- at first I was totally scared. I was thinking, "Shit. I took out the dog from hell."
It took me a second to realize she was playing, but I did not want to play that game. So she pulled me all over the yard- being mean and obnoxious. At one point, we did actually play tug of war, and she was pulling at the bottom of the leash, when the chain slipped right off her head. Another Shit. My life flashed before my eyes in the form of visions of Maggie taking off all over the Christiansburg countryside, attacking small children and peeing on rose bushes.
Noticing Maggie was waay to into our game of tug-a-war to care about taking off- I slipped the collar back on and grabbed the base to make it tighter. Maggie then proceeded to try and tug-a-war with my hand. The hellion was trying to rip me apart!
Luckily, Maggie understood two words: her name. and the command "down" at which point she would sit. and then proceed to lay down to have her belly rubbed. Which I did. Several times.
Overall, she was sweet, but so messed up.

It made me think about the kind of people who raise these dogs, and then give them up. People train dogs to be a certain way, then blame the dog when they get a little rambunctious and want to play. Do they not realize that a lot goes into training animals? buy a book! do it right! If you can't afford a book at the bookstore- go to the public library! On second thought- if you can't afford a puppy training book, don't get the damn puppy!!

Animal responsibility is so important. I always have and always will stress this point: When adopting, buying or keeping an animal, you are responsible for it's life.
It's really just like a child. If you raise a child and don't teach the child manners, rules, or morals- the child will most likely grow up without them, unless there are other influences in their life that teach him or her those things.
Animals are exactly like this- they are your children, only they have no other place to learn manners, etc.. They don't have a school, teachers, friends, or other environmental influences.
They. Have. You.

You are an animal's world! If you don't feed it- it starves. If you don't love it- it gets mean. If you beat it- it will defend itself.

So please: Love your animals. Feed them. Keep them Warm. Teach them manners. Give them a healthy home.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Brownies and the Rest of the Sangria

Wow. I love that life is constantly turning around.
I'm sitting on the couch today, and I couldn't be happier. Well, actually that's wrong- I could have everyone I love squeezed on the couch with me and a dog at my feet and my baby in my lap.
...You can't have it all.

Anyways, Yesterday was awesome. I talked to Bleighton approximately every two hours, and I looked cute (for once), and it started out kind-of bad, and then got soo much better!
First, I knew I would look cute on friday, and I was excited. I actually left my morning class after about 15 minutes, because there weren't enough seats for everyone to sit in (I didn't get a seat) and I've already taken this class once and I still have the notes. I could have done yesterday's lesson with my eyes closed. So I left. I just slunk (slinked?) out the back door and proceeded to run the 154,9w3,846,095,645 (yes, w.) errands I had to run.
I picked up the dry-cleaning (really...not that exciting I promise!)
I stopped by the clubhouse.
I had them come fix out toilet and our kitchen lights.
I cleaned the downstairs.
I cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes.
It was great actually. and just when I thought it would be the worst day EVER, because I couldn't find my drawings that I needed to do this project? I found them! with the help of my ex-desk neighbor (he's now in a different studio, so he doesn't sit beside me anymore). I actually had a good conversation with my professor, and then I found out that the competition we have to do is optional (so I won't be doing it).
I went home right away, well I stopped by FoodLion to get salad stuff for dinner (and saw the cutest puppy ever sitting in a car), and then went home, because Morgan and I were having the boys over for dinner and board games.
We were about to start making dinner (French Chicken with Orange Terragon sauce) when someone knocked on our door. I was actually on the phone with Bleighton at this point (remember approx. every 4 hours) and I opened the door to see our Cute Neighbor standing there... with a plate of brownies. No. Way. Is this guy for real? did he really make us brownies? yes. and he says, "I made these for you because I remembered that you were talking about them (damn, I was talking about brownies?! what a fatass) and I wanted to say thank you for lending me your internet and phone."
That. Is. Adorable. After he left I did remember the brownie part of our conversation---> he was apologizing for not introducing himself or talking to us before (ever), and I was reassuring him saying, 'it's not like we ever brought you brownies or anything'. And that was all. To remember that small a part out of our conversation was really cute. It made him even more cute really. Morg still hasn't really warmed up to him (His mom visits him sometimes, and they always (ALWAYS) take the parking spots in front of our house. She said yesterday his mom was here again and they were delivering a mattress to him and taking up four or five spots (guess where!)
Now, this doesn't really make me that mad (I'm quick to forgive and forget when someone gives me chocolate). Morgan thinks he likes me. I hope so.

Well, after all that excitement, we make dinner and the boys had perfect timing, because I was just dumping the sauce on the chicken when they got there, and we had a great dinner and dessert (I was the only one who ate dessert), then, I took my glass of sangria to the living room and we played board games for the rest of the night. Conversation was great when we weren't shouting answers during Mad Gab, or laughing over definitions in Balderdash. It was so much fun that I finished the sangria and started in on the white zin. (Damn, I love you Bleighton)

After the games, the boys went home and Morg and I promptly went to bed (It was about 2a.m.) I can't even remember falling asleep, I was that tired. The last thing I remember was brushing my teeth.
I love Saturdays, because I really (thankfully) have nothing to do. (actually a lie, but I schedule nothing to do on purpose, or put of what I have to do in order to have nothing to do...)
I woke up at 1, and had Chocolate and Milk for breakfast, and plopped myself on the couch until Morg woke up. Now that she's awake we're off to the Animal Shelter, because I just cannot stay away from animals any longer.
No, I'm not getting one (unfortunately) but since I can't have one, I've decided to volunteer whenever I get a chance to go and exercise the dogs, and socialize the cats. I'm really excited-- this is my first time going, and I can't wait. I'll definitely blog about it (probably tonight or tomorrow) so you'll get all of the fluffy, stinky, slobbery, lovable details.

...Especially since I deliberately have nothing to do!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A Little Bit of Boring for You

The aliens in my stomach are really feisty tonight.
This is an "alien" in a duck's stomach, maybe this is what mine look like ------------->
Now, I know that sounds really, really weird- but for some reason, my stomach makes all sorts of noises while it's digesting (I guess), and we nicknamed the noises "the aliens" - I think it's some sort of vague reference to the movie Alien where the alien bursts out of that persons stomach. Definitely way more gross than my aliens- but probably just that weird.

Ok, so other than the aliens in my stomach. I mean to talk about the way the week has started out. My roommate got back Monday night, and we proceeded to set up our NEW TV! Thankfully, our TV from 1981 has been replaced and we now have a TV from about 2002!! It was quite an adventure, rearranging the living room, and trying to set everything up. We couldn't figure out the surround sound (aka. I couldn't hook it up to the TV) It's not that important though- we may never actually set it up, unless the boys come over and put their testosterone to work matching up wires... In other exciting news we acquired a CD player/speaker system as well- I'm pumped.

In other not-so-exciting news, classes started this week, and I'm already behind, bored, and stressed at the same time. Ugh. I have a model and wall sections due next Friday and a competition this weekend. Nothing's exciting right now, and I'm just in a funk. I think it's just been one of those emotional week- the hormones have just decided to make me completely unhappy. To be serious for a moment, I think a lot of this is coming on the tails of realization... I just realized that pants guy doesn't like me. I mean, sure- he's nice to me, friendly rather (I mean we've been friendly since my freshman year). I think it's good to realize that (I can't believe I'm about to say this) "he's just no that into me". But it doesn't change the sort of dull feeling that makes me irritable and grouchy. I don't mean to dwell- it's just weird because this took me a lot longer to get over than normal. God only knows why- probably something obvious like- I'm really weird. Unfortunately, you can't just take a week off when you're feeling crummy. That'd be nice though.
I guess it doesn't help that I can't move very well. My legs are STILL dead- and actually even worse because yesterday was my first Zumba class of the semester AND our first demo practice this semester. That's a lot of working out-- and a lot of leg work. Don't worry, I may not be able to walk very well- and I get in and out of chairs like an 80 year old woman, but I was able to eat my weight in Chocolate... so not all is lost.

At least I have tomorrow to look forward to- I don't have class until 12:30, so either I sleep in, or (and here's the kicker) I get up and actually do something! Might be nice... I do have dry-cleaning to pick up. Sorry for the lack of witty commentary and quirky insight tonight, it's either the hormones or the Aliens that are to blame. (I'm thinking hormones- it's always the hormones)

Monday, January 19, 2009

Dead legs and Cardio Striptease

So despite the title, I will not be posting any videos, giving any demonstrations, etc. you'll just have to find out later.
Actually- there's not too much to find out. Every year, the VT fitness department (the fitness instructors and physical trainers) go to Fitness EXPO, which is basically a conference for central east coast schools to get together and show off and take fitness classes, lectures, etc. This year- not only am I PRESENTING a whole class (Zumba- I've talked about it before...several times) but this year I get to take Cardio Striptease <----watch that video. I'm not quite sure what to expect, but it should be hilarious/fun! In other fitness news, we had our semesterly fitness inservice today, complete with mandatory staff workout, and now I can't feel my legs. Actually- I just don't want to, because they hurt like hell every time I move. Damn squats. So I'm teaching two zumba classes per week, and then I'm teaching a cardio dance class (hip-hop) for about a month in the middle of the semester. It should be awesome and I'm excited to get started- even though my first class is TOMORROW (I'm not sure I will be able to move tomorrow...well, move without hurting, that is). So tomorrow, 6:30- it's Zumba time!

Despite my dead legs, around 7:30- I'm going to go get chinese food. My roommate gets back tonight, and that's what we're doing for dinner- and probably watching a movie (we are sooo exciting) I meant to call Momz today- I missed her and need to say "hi" today I bought her a present, and I can't wait to mail it to her. Damn post office was closed by the time I got there-- shoe shopping took precedence... I know- priorities, but I got some really fricken cute boots. In fact- I almost bought two pairs of said boots, but they didn't have my size. Actually this is not the case (well the whole size issue was...) I need black boots, but the ones I really wanted were the tan ones. But necessity took over (and there were no tan ones in my size) I'm still thinking of having them sent to the store, because they can send them over from a different branch, and then I can buy them at my local store. The only problem is, I'm trying to talk myself out of it, because even if they are on sale, $40.00 boots are not that cheap if you end up buying two pairs...of the same boots...
My only reasoning is this: I need some flat heeled boots (for when I go to Europe) and I don't want those to be black, so I'll get my tan boots yet. But at least they'll be a different style. (Still thinking I should have got the tan ones. They were more tan and less brown than those ones)
<-------- After shoe shopping- and present buying, I did normal errands (boring ones like dry-cleaning and grocery shopping) and then returned home, where I flopped on the couch. Only to get up a minute later when the phone rang- cursing because that was when my body decided to hate me. (I clearly am not in shape- an month off will do that to you!) Ever since doing semi-exciting things (shoe shopping) arriving home has been rather boring- I didn't see my cute neighbor, I took out the trash, and potted the new plant.
Ahem, well I threw out the dead plant and replaced it with a fake one... what? One of them is still alive (I had three plants at the beginning of the year) and this new one is very convincing- it totally looks real.

I'm just really bad at keeping plants alive, I'm not exactly sure why- I follow the directions, I water them regularly... and yet, they die. Sad, really- because "they" say that to know when you're ready for a relationship: something like if you can keep a plant alive for a year, then you get a pet. keep a pet alive for a year, then you are ready for commitment.
I'm not sure if that's true, and I definitely made up the time-line, but it's something to that effect. Kind of a scary thought though... I've only got one chance left for the plant part (Mr. Last chance is standing on the other side of the room right now- one brown leaf mocking my only chance to move on to the next stage. I will get a dog- but I'll have to keep the plant alive for almost two years before I can get one- according to the stages... though that doesn't really matter since I've decided not to have a relationship until returning from Europe. Now plug that all into the limited calculator in my head- that means I can have a relationship... ah, after I graduate college. That's a pretty long time to wait before being able to use my soon-to-be-acquired cardio striptease skills. Damn. At least I'll have a long time to practice.

Watch out Future Boyfriend: My striptease skills will blow your mind! And frankly, I don't think you're ready for this...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Pour another glass- it's time for movie number four!

It's nights like these when I have to say, "woah, steph- slow down... you're life is so exciting and fast paced you need to stop and breathe for a second!"

I mean, seriously- three glasses of sangria, 1238429837.43 cubes of cheese, and three movies in a row. Alone. ...positively wild.
So other than watching The Inheritance, followed by The Pacifier, followed by the end of What A Girl Wants, and now Honey, I have done the laundry and finally vacuumed the townhouse.

On another note- I did promise to regale you with any boy exploits- and despite my desperate attempt to avoid any and all male contact (actually- any contact at all would work) today I was unexpectedly visited by a male visitor. (that's riiiight- and I was lookin hot with my exercise pants tank top and huge hoodie, no makeup and bright red, extra fuzzy red slippers... oh wait.)
So, dish- right?
Ok- I'm doing possibly the dorkiest thing in the world- totally zoning out on the couch listening to an audiobook (extra loud, because I'm basically deaf) I hear this knock on my door, and you better believe I am expecting absolutely no one (remember? no contact with anyone or anything?) I hit pause, and opened the door. My neighbor, we'll call him Harrison, introduces himself- he lives next door, isn't there a lot (sound familiar) but his Internet isn't working- his car is in the shop in Roanoke (miles and miles away) and his phone fell into a pool somewhere (he's on the swim team). Well, I couldn't possibly let the poor guy stand outside in the doorway all 6 feet of him, especially in 30 degree weather!
So despite regretting the decision to skip the mascara this morning- I've got an actual, in-the -flesh guy in my house. seriously. I should flirt or something- be cute, ask him some questions- be entertaining....
You know what I did? I told him to sit down- lent him my phone and computer and left him to battle with NTC while I switched the loads and put on some tea. Smooth. At least I did a little sympathetic listening, and a minimal amount of chatting- then finally sent him on his way with my wireless password and told him to stop back by if there were any problems with it. Damn- opportunity missed?
About three hours later (clearly, there were no problems) I settled down on the couch with my first glass of sangria.

So the moral of our story- next time I should answer the door in jeans and a Wonderbra...then I'd be sharing my sangria.

Now, I'm not condoning throwing yourself at random, cute neighbors seeking internet access, but I believe I addressed my guy drought in previous posts.
I think my latest strategy at combating this will be to drop the wall just a little bit and let it go. I'm always so damn polite and careful that I must just come off as the ice queen. Hell, I must be sending some kind of signals, because I repel guys I like better than a hairspray blowtorch.
How is it that the people you don't want to get involved with always end up liking you- when the ones that you do want to notice you, always seem to be looking the other way.

Alright. Mission: Tell him how you feel.

small complications... Everyone is always saying, "what's the worst that could happen?" the only problem with this is that the worst thing that could happen is that they guy that you like, the one who makes your stomach flutter and your cheeks go red-- that guy could tell you (nicely, of course) that you're a great girl, but he really only wants to be friends with you. Of course, after this happens, he'll stop talking to's space you know? he's just giving you time. Bullshit. It's too awkward to talk to you, and every time he does talk to you he's going to think you're obsessing over him. So quickly- a friendship, or even a friendly acquaintance will become nothing. That's pretty bad.
I'm not saying I don't understand why you should take those chances- of course I do. I get the whole "He'll never know how you feel about him if you don't tell him," but maybe I'd rather not take the chance. Or maybe I don't know how I feel about him. OR maybe I haven't even met him, and all of this talk is just about missed chances.

Either way... you should watch Honey, it was awesome (or maybe it was only awesome after the fourth glass of sangria)

Friday, January 16, 2009

Hovawarts and He's Just Not That Into You

Here let me talk about two things: One, an obsession. Two, the absolute opposite.

My obsession? Dogs. I want a dog so badly. I can't possibly adopt one until I get back to Blacksburg a year from now. Since I'll be overseas next semester and then D.C. after that, there's no way I can actually be responsible for a pet (we're talking anything but plant...). For some reason, though, it's absolutely all I want. Probably because I know I can't get one until then.
Why? you ask. I'm not completely sure, but I think it has something to do with the fact that dogs love you unconditionally, once you own a pet you are responsible for its life, and in return they trust you with their lives- and give you love and devotion in return.
I guess I just want something that will love and trust me- I've always had a dog (or my family has) up until our last dog Nova passed away (he was a great pyrenees).

Lately, it's been dog withdrawl, and has even gotten so bad that I've taken to doing breed matching quizzes online... you know "what breed is right for you?" Instead of daydreaming of extremely hot guys, I daydream of extremely hot guys with dogs. So just for your benefit, I googled "hot men with their dogs" (a surprising lack of hot men with dogs actually came up):

One of my favorite things about dog breeds is the bizarre names that come up, such as schipperke, borzoi, or vizsla.
I happened to find one that is not only adorable, but of course, pretty rare and found mostly in France and it's home country Germany.

Meet the Hovawart- the blondes are similar to Golden retrievers, but they are also found in black and tan, and black. I'm absolutely in love with the Black and tans.I'm thinking that while I'm in europe..... maybe I'll just bring home a Hovawart.
(No, no , and no... "wait one more year"--> new mantra, repeat endlessly)

Although, in the vein of relationships- maybe I should put those off too until I return from my traveling (not that there are any to put off at this point, but a girl can dream, right?) I wonder what it says about me if going without a relationship for that long is infinitely easier then not having a dog for that long...

Which brings me to my second point for the evening:

He's Just Not That Into You. The book that is now a movie (comes out in feb.)

All I can say, is that I hope the movie is infinitely better than the book- which I thought was absolutely horrible. All it basically does is repeat over and over the same exact thing: "if he's not expressing an obscene amount of interest in you then he simply doesn't like you- so get over him and move on" I realize that the intent behind this is to boost confidence and convince you that you are worth it- that you deserve someone who is completely obsessed with you. On the other hand, the book also suggests lowering your standards- women should have attainable goals, "be realistic" it says. While there may be some truth to this (we can't all end up with Ben Affleck or Jonas Armstrong) I think that there has to be some kind of balance. To be even more frank- this book kind of offended me. There are a thousand reasons why a guy won't call you every night (especially if you barely know each other) Maybe you should reevaluate the signals you are giving off. OR maybe I am one of those deluded girls that actually has more faith in the male species than is healthy. Either way- the book was not worth the time I spent reading it, and I hope that the movie miraculously picks out some sort of gems that I failed to find in reading it.

Thanks guys, but I think I'll stick to googling hot men with their dogs (especially since I can't have either until next year!)

The Cure for Being Single

So I'm breaking out of my usual pattern title-wise. I'm not exactly sure when I fell into said pattern in the first place- but I'm feeling like rebelling against my self-set regulations. (that's got to be a red flag for some kind of psychosis...)

It seems last night I started a train of journal-ing (now a verb) about my (nonexistent) love life, and now I just can't help but write about it. Whether from amusement at myself (another red flag?) or maybe I've just re-grasped the thirteen-year-old idea of what journals are really used for... introspective and social commentary? No! I must write about all of my crushes, yearnings, and disappointments. Thank God I can skip the embarrassing poems and professions of undying love (I mean, he was the smartest guy in our whole grade... how dreamy is that?!).

On a whim, I googled the phrase, "cures for being single". One of the first entries said something along the lines of "being single is not a disease" ...skip. Everyone knows that being single is a disease- it's just invisible to everyone but single males. One of the main symptoms is the smell of desperation...

The second entry looked a little more helpful- this one is a "how to" with very helpful advice on how to cure "Post-holiday loneliness". Oh god, did I really google that?? There's no going back now- on to the 12 steps (oh wait, that's a different anonymous program... eh, same dif)
I'll summarize:
#1. Get out and Socialize! being single does not mean being lonely!
Really? you mean the man of my dreams won't just knock on my door and fall in love with me because of my surprisingly witty remarks rather than my slightly tousled, but attractive saggy-butt sweatpants and over sized tie-dyed t-shirt? Chick lit LIES.

#2. Join a Sporting Club.

#3. Learn something New! Another way to cure boredom (loneliness) is to fill your head. my specific case, I take courses and am actively engaged in learning something new everyday- with other people. I'm not sure though, that taking up a musical instrument or studying zen Buddhism (both article suggestions) is going to help me cure my loneliness (or my being single).

#4. Count Your Blessings. Loneliness can descend into self pity.
Ok- so I feel better... momentarily- maybe they're on to something with this one; though if I'm self-pitying enough to be lonely in the first place, I'm probably going to be set on feeling lonely again in a couple of minutes. Thinking of blessings doesn't necessarily replace people.

#5. Do Something for someone else. You might realize after counting your blessings that you want to help someone else. Go spread the Gospel to all those ignorant of it.
Ok, so that last part was mine. Doing things for others is great- I'm in no way saying you shouldn't. But if the whole reason you became "lonely after the holidays" was because you were around a bunch of couples- the only way to really heal that ache in your heart where your soul mate should be, is to get out there and make some more mistakes. Kiss some more frogs... because at least you won't be "single" in the process.

So here's my list of ways to cure your single/lonely status:

#1. Lower your standards. if you finally say yes to that creepy guy with the slightly bulging eyes that keeps on calling you "my Lady" BAM! Objective accomplished- you are no longer single. I mean, he only smells a little right?

#2. Dress Like a Slut. While not completely conducive to getting a boyfriend per se, this will attract the kind of attention that may cure you of your loneliness.

#3. Be Easy. It seems to work for some girls. I mean, they always seem to have boyfriends... oh sure, they always leave after actually getting to know said girls... but they are never single long!

#4. Just ask him out. And him. And him. And Him... Oh wait, not Him... If at first you don't succeed, right? Perseverance is key. and many other inspirational sayings that might be slightly out of place under this topic. Same concept. But hell, one of them has to say yes...

I mean, to be completely brutally honest- the only cure for being single is to get a boyfriend (or girlfriend). And when you're going through the kind of drought I am, well you pray you've got water storage like a camel and a hell of a lot of blessings to count.

Alright everyone: Go forth and multiply. because I sure as hell won't be and someone's got to further the species.

N.B. ::::::::::::::::::::::
to any readers other than the ones who know I'm joking: Please do not take my list at face value- it is simply mocking those who would try to give us single people advice- if they're not single, then they can't possibly understand -- and if they are single, then clearly the advice is sub-par. My cynical advice being exhibit A. Please do not go out on my account: a) dressed like a slut b) just to sleep around c) get a reputation I'd feel really bad... and would also like pictures :-D

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Missing Mittens and (un)Surprising Realizations

Christmas break was so wonderfully blissful and relaxing that I clearly did not have time to write.
Surprise, surprise- someone is shirking their journal duties once again. (shirking?....)

So because of negligence on a grand scale- this post actually finds me a couple weeks past new years and BACK at school [I know, last post I was just back at home]. Just think of it as going warp speed over the whole break. It was only filled with sci-fi watching parents, invisible sister, sam's club, and kitten-babies.... Clarify?
My parents come home from work- eat dinner and snuggle up on the couch for a sci-fi watching marathon that ends in them lightly (and in my dad's case not-so-lightly) snoozing to a background of battlestar galactica, stargate, the legend of the seeker, or occasionally (and surprisingly NON sci-fi) CSI. This happens every night.
My sister on the other hand, practically doesn't exist. We saw her a grand total of maybe 18 times over a month. Why? you ask- why do we never see this elusive member of our family? She has a boyfriend. "Understandable" you say. "Unforgivable!" I say. Now it may be my serious "lack-of" that makes me bitter and grudging, but maybe it's the fact that 9 out of the 18 times we saw her he was over, and the rest of the 9 times? she was holed up in her room iCHATTING WITH HIM. I mean, sure I love the guy too, but really? must you be in contact with him EVERY second. That can't be healthy.
I'll skip over talking about work. That was actually boring. weird people are starting to bore me- gasp?
My kitten-babies need probably the most clarification, as they are indeed some of the oldest cats I have ever met. well, one is. My family has three cats:

one a black and white senior citizen with one deformed ear and the personality of a happy demon (sly),

one middle-aged- probably nearing 43ish with a tortoiseshell coat, cute little white dipped paws, and an oddly tiny head (mittens),

and a gigantic grey tom with chipped ears, a now-crooked tail, and an attitude problem. Maybe because he's the youngest of the group- merely a 20-something (Felix).

I guess they are no longer my cats, but more like my parents cats- but the whole process of breaking off and starting to belong to yourself is confusing and possibly painful- so we'll avoid that for now, and call them "my cats". At home (at my parents house??), I dedicate a good deal of time to petting, loving, fattening, and otherwise annoying my three monsters. In return, I receive cuddling, comfort, bed buddies, and bad breath kisses. Not bad, eh? In fact, it's just this return that I'm desperately missing already upon returning to blacksburg. It was horrible sleeping without my little bed buddy last night (aka mittens, or who I affectionately refer to as "Cute-face") I was horribly sad and mopey when I realized that she wouldn't be following me to the bathroom, and desperately trying to knock me over with furry leg-rubs; or that she wouldn't get up in my face to say goodnight the minute I pull up the covers, before curling up beside me contentedly. Sad. really sad.
I am destined to become the cat lady...

It's this very realization that brings me to my second point. I have relationship problems. You will notice, that as a journal- this blog has a serious gaping whole where all the juicy boy stuff should be... deliberate? yes. permanent? no....maybe.
I normally don't talk about it at all in public forums such as THE INTERNET. But only this morning I woke up and realized two things: #1. I barely have any boy stuff at all (juicy would just be a flat out lie) #2. No one reads this blog. (hardly constitutes "public forum")
Sooooo. I may begin some little stories in which I describe my life in that department. (heads up though, if I sleep with 'cute-face' aka MY CAT, I'm pretty sure you can guess how short these segments will be.)
What to expect: me documenting my cute guys sitings. (and you wondered my I never talk about it- DEPRESSING, that's why)

So now that I'm home (my townhouse/actual residence) I've got to motivate myself to do everything [hard. I am not easily motivated.] Which means I have to wake up at a decent hour. Take care of domestic things (I have got to vacuum). Get my butt showered and dressed. Go Shopping (food is nonexistent if you've been away for a month). Finish pre-semester work (crap). All without the motivation of bad-smelling kitten-baby kisses. I guess the only motivation I have is that I may meet a cute guy... then I'll have something to blog about.