You call it failure, I call it resignation.
Today at exactly 1 O'clock, I will be turning in possibly the worst model/project ever made by a 3rd Year Architecture student.
For some reason I just had a complete breakdown during this project, which is actually an extension of a project we did last semester. A complete mind collapse.
I say resignation, because this morning, when I tried to salvage my pride and turn a conglomeration of hot glue, Soldering metal, and zap it into a functioning and presentable model, I had to stop. I couldn't do it.
Now, I am not someone who has ever failed anything (except for a maybe a math test-but not from lack of trying or effort.) This project today will be my first real, actual failure. It's going to be interesting. I'll probably cry...just so there can be no confusion over the total loss of pride, work ethic, and reputation.
Sure, there have been a lot of variables- My mother's return to Chemo, my lack of motivation to become an architect when it's one of the 5 careers NOT to go into right now, and the bachelor (which I watch obsessively). O.K. so that last one: not so much a variable.
The only thing that I can possibly hope, is that my professor takes into account how hard this has been for me, and that I can bring my grade up to passing in the coming semester. I'm banking on option #1.
What I really need to do, is stop feeling miserable, and look at my options. This is not the end of the world. One project won't end my career in architecture.
And if it does...there's always prostitution. I mean, this girl is selling her virginity for 3.5 million dollars. Back-up plan #1. Well, maybe that can be back-up plan number 5 or 6 or something...
In reality, if this semester really goes that poorly, and they don't allow me to stay in the program, I'll just switch my major. All of my plans, etc. will be gonzo, but I won't die. I will live. Even if I end up working at Sam's club for the rest of my life, I will live.
Good god, can one project really ruin your life that much? No. If there's one thing I won't do, it's let that happen. I'm over this. A release of feelings, a quick loss of pride, and I'm on to the next project (which is due Thursday.) Good Lord, I'ma die.
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2 comments:
Hey.. that is one what I call giving up... if you resigned on your project, you can always have a chance to do another great project.. good thing about it is that you have your backed-up plan. if you feel miserable at first, you will feel the same way on your next project once you couldn't do it.. ;p ;p
I know it's tough turning in rough work when you've really tried. I guess all you can do it turn it in and try to look forward. At least the project it over, right?
Good luck bouncing back!
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